Growing up in a small, close-net community, I have been surrounded by many influential people in my life. As one may expect, my family has been my primary source of support throughout my life. From elementary school to high school, they were always there for me. Every orchestra concert, every school project, every soccer game – they supported me in every way possible. My mother has taught me how to be responsible and respectful of others. She gives all of her time and energy into doing things for other, and her kindness is one of the many qualities I aspired to acquire. She is a therapist, a maid, and a tutor all in one, and I take advantage of all she does for me and the family. My father proves just how hard work pays off and how taking leadership is important. He is dedicated in all assignments and tasks, and yet he still cares for his family enough to come home and assist me in my schoolwork by editing a paper or solving a math problem. He does all that he can to make the family happy while staying up late at night to pay the bills. I have a strong relationship with both of my parents, never having had a fight, and I am so grateful to have the best ones in the world. Sure they aren’t perfect, but they are human, and they are far better than I deserve. Apparently, I look like my mom on some days, but other days I resemble my dad. But no one in my family has blonde hair so I don’t know where that came from!
My father and I took a daddy-daughter day to visit the Indianapolis Zoo.
My mother and I attend the Mom-and-Me Tea party for Girls Scouts.
My brother, in particular, taught me to be stronger and to not give up when things aren’t easy. Without his tough-love and desensitization, I would not be the independent person I am today. Although I love my brother for teaching me how to stand up for myself and what I believe in, he has also set a prime example of what decisions I should avoid. In high school he went through a rough time in his life and became involved with the wrong group of people. His downfall started with alcohol, but it rapidly escalated to sex and drugs. To top it all off, he gave himself a tattoo and even resorted to shoplifting at one point. He came to me in confidence, in an attempt to hide his secrets from my parents. They, of course, found out and I felt disappointed in myself. I had allowed myself to help my brother hurt himself by not reporting his destructive actions. This led to an assortment of angry fights and stress within our family. I never wanted to cause that much harm to myself, or to my family like my brother did. From that moment, I learned from his mistakes and refused to follow in his footsteps. In this way, he taught me more than he could ever know.
Although I do not agree with my brother’s lifestyle, it has shown me the life I want to avoid. Luckily, he has progressed and is about to graduate college. I will not waste my life on stupid decisions. Instead, I want to change the world for the better, starting with my school, and hopefully succeeding in my community. Looking beyond my brother’s turmoil, I have become more involved in school, volunteer work, and my family. I value my academics because a good education is important for success. Volunteering is one of my favorite pastimes because I enjoy helping others who are less fortunate and to provide opportunities to develop my leadership skills. After evaluating the poor decisions my brother made, I have been able to avoid the same mistakes to maximize my achievements.
I became a board member of NHS my junior year.
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fail” ~ Proverbs 16:18
I take pride in all my activities and work ethic. I do not believe myself to be better than my classmates; I simply enjoy taking charge and completing tasks to the best of my ability. I’m a board member of NHS, Treasurer of the senior class, honorary member of Interact (Rotary International) Club, and 13 year member of Girl Scouts, served as the Editor of Key Club (Kiwanis International), and have maintained mostly As and Bs my whole academic career. You would think that I have my whole life together, right? Ha! I have yet to decide on a college or a major. “But Colleen, you’re perfect!” I’m sorry to disappoint. The problem is people actually believe that I am of superior intelligence and never make mistakes. When I do make mistakes, people scold me and make jokes because I’m supposed to be perfect. The issue with this is that society has convinced me to live up to that expectation, which will result in failure because no one but God is perfect, so I am automatically being set up to fail. And when I do fail, it crushes me. My expectations of myself have been developing for years, and now I have gained this sickening amount of pride in my system that stings my veins when I do not succeed. The devil sits at my shoulder, mocking me, “What a failure of a person Colleen. You are too good to make mistakes. You should expect more than yourself.” And the realization that I am turning slowly into the devil is truly heart-wrenching and makes me sick. Think about it. For those of you who are not familiar with Satan, he used to be an angel until he believed he was better than God and that he was perfect and could do no wrong. I am noticing a distinct parallel between myself and Satan. Now I have been labeled as “sweet, motherly, and kind”. I love to be nice to others and to help others in every way I can…but I will make mistakes along the way. That brings me to my other issue: I am not, in any way, shape, or form, comfortable with being vulnerable. Part of this is caused by previous challenge of being perfect and having too much pride. In general though, I do not like sentiment. I find it extremely awkward and uncomfortable, and I even have the audacity to laugh at it. The truly hypocritical thing is, I crave it. I need the affection and love of others to keep me going. Once again Satan whispers in my ear, telling me how awful a person I am. Without the sentimental emotions from others, I feel useless and weak, like a mere Nat in the universe that is annoying everyone. I need to learn to break past these complications, denounce my pride and title of perfection, and become vulnerable. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is strength. I need to let go of my worries and stereotypical labels and just let life be, because God knows what he is doing and he has a plan for me.
New Year’s Eve 2013-2014
Freshman Orientation Leaders Training
As much as the devil whispers into my ear, God sends his love through the people around me. Not just my family, but my friends have also shown me so much care and affection, to the point where I consider them an extended family. They bring me confidence that help me strive for success that I would not have achieved otherwise. I have a few good friends who I feel comfortable being around, being open with and confiding my thoughts and opinions. They listen to me and my stressful nature, and they always have my back no matter what happens. When I achieve something, they are the first to congratulate me and make me feel as though I won the lottery. My friends are loving, always smiling and laughing, and in general having a great time together. One of the things that keeps me motivated into getting out of bed in the morning is that thought of getting to see my friends. Whenever I am with them, all my troubles seem to disappear, and they are all that matter to me. I would do anything for them and I know they would say the same, because we aren’t just friends, we are a family unit.
Senior Homecoming Week: Wild Wild West Day
Colleen's Corner 